Pango ang ilong, maitim, pandak, walang hugis ang katawan…these are the negative descriptions we Filipinas say to most of us. But wait a minute, does ugly physical attributes really mean a thing? Of course! It brings low self-esteem. No self-confidence, often ridiculed by peers, sometimes rejected especially when applying for a job which requires “pleasing personality.” Well, that was before one did not get the chance to come to other places, or countries, where, as observation puts it, what looks you may have differently from their people, is beautiful. To those Filipinas who have the angst and frustrations of thinking they are ugly by physical aspect, read the article below, written by Camilla Imperial which won her an Honorable Mention in the 2002 Asian and Asian- American Essay Contest. Perhaps it would change your perspective about your looks. Just be proud of what you have.
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The Beauty In Me
By Camilla Imperial
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When I was growing up, I never saw myself as beautiful. Beautiful meant being curvy, having fair complexion, a firm nose, and light colored hair and eyes. I, on the other hand, was skinny, possessed straight black hair and eyes. My nose was small and as flat as a button. And I had no curves. I was born and raised in Manila, Philippines, a country in Southeast Asia which was a colony of both Spain and America sometime ago. Both cultures had a great impact on Filipino life, and in almost every aspect of daily living, there is evidence of Western presence. From Hollywood movies to Spanish words adopted in the Filipino language, the Filipino culture has readily embraced Western influence as its own.
When one looks at Filipino show business, he or she will notice that a lot of the prominent entertainers are mestizas or have Spanish or American blood in them. These people, such as Joyce Jimenez or Dingdong Dantes, all have fair skin and beautiful brown eyes. Even though these people have real talent, a lot of their other peers seem to have succeeded in the business based on their looks alone. An ordinary Filipino sees a newcomer mestiza on screen and they almost automatically become the Neve Campbell of Philippine cinema, whether or not they have any acting ability at all. Another thing that I can sadly point out is that there have been Filipino-Americans who went back to the Philippines and became actors and actresses despite not being able to speak Tagalog fluently or even at all. Their acting abilities aren’t exactly outstanding either, and again the public embraces them as a big thing. My sister, who was in theater during her college days, joked that if ever she got laid off, she would just go back home to become an actress and pretend that she didn’t know to speak Tagalog. Unlike me, my sister took after my dad in her mestiza looks.
So growing up, I wasn’t exactly a standout from the crowd. No guy back home ever told me that I was beautiful. The campus heartthrobs were always the fair skinned ones who resembled Katie Holmes or some Western actress. Even the boy that I had a long-time crush on was a mestizo himself. Also, back then, there was no Filipino teenager magazine to relate to. We referred to Seventeen and YM whom of course, featured Caucasian stars for the most part. I myself grew up wishing I looked like Jennie Garth of 90210.
Everybody who was naturally tanned wanted to be fairer, and those who were already fair wanted to keep it that way. People slathered on suntan lotion, stayed away from the burning midday sun, and if ever they ventured out, they did so under the protection of umbrellas. Yes, Filipinos back home used umbrellas on sunny days too. And if here in America they sold tanning lotions, in the Philippines there is such thing as a whitening lotion. Block & White Whitening Lotion promised fairer skin in 4 weeks, and even I bought a bottle of two. I don’t think it really worked though.
What a big surprise it was for me when I moved to America when I was sixteen. For the first time in my life, I was noticed physically. My roommate loved experimenting with my long black hair. “Lustrous”, she called it. Girls in my business fraternity complimented me on my brown skin and whined about having to go to the tanning salon themselves, only to have the tan peel at the end of the season. Customers at the optical place I work at asked me whether there were contact lenses available in my eye color. Also, I discovered that being skinny wasn’t so bad at all. I could fit into and wear the latest fashions such as one-shouldered tops. I am also able to hold my own in ballet class. And for the first time, I’ve had guys ask me out, the first of them, a white guy, told me that he never dated an Asian before but he said he was glad he did. He said he loved the fact how I was so “delicate and beautiful, like a doll” and that he could easily scoop me in his arms because I was so small.
At first, I attributed the attention I was getting to the fact that I looked different, even exotic, but not beautiful. I didn’t think that I was really anything special to look at. But slowly, I noticed the irony in things. If in the Philippines people wanted to be fairer, in America, people wanted to be tanner. Stars of Asian-descent like Lucy Liu have graced magazine covers. U.S. ice dancer Elizabeth Punsalan has proved that being skinny has its rewards. An article in Mademoiselle even proclaimed that Filipinos had the most beautiful hair in the world. So yes, I am beautiful, I was just too focused to be someone else to realize it.
The exotic features that make up the beauty of a Filipina is indeed something to be proud of. We have straight, black hair that tumbles down softly in waves against our shoulders. Our dark eyes gaze at you sincerely, captivating you. Our small noses don’t stand out from the rest of our faces, rather it seems the perfect finishing touch. And our skin color is just right: not too pale, and not too dark, just the perfect shade of a golden brown. How I wish the rest of my countrymen would come to this same realization that indeed, being 100% Filipino is something to be proud of. We should accept ourselves for who we are and make the most of it. You don’t have to look like a Westerner to be considered beautiful.
Unfortunately, the mentality that “Western beauty is still the ultimate beauty” seems to prevail in Philippine society up to this day. Why do Filipinos have to travel to abroad to be considered pretty? Why wouldn’t they appreciate their golden skin unless they moved here? That black hair is just as beautiful as blonde, red or brown?
I guess it is simply human nature to want something we don’t have. That we need to be away from something to appreciate what we got. Caucasians want to be tan, Filipinos want to be fair. It is only in America that I was able to see myself as others here have seen me: a proud brown-skinned beauty. I realize now that everyone is beautiful, regardless of race and color. Each race has physical features that they ought to be proud of. But I also learned that beauty is not only in the eyes of the beholder, but in the place where the beholder is. Even though I miss my family and friends and everything about my home country, I am glad that I moved to the U.S. because I learned to appreciate my looks and culture. Ironically, I had to be away from the Philippines to rediscover who I was, the person I lost due to Western influence back home. Yet here I stand on Western land, proud of my roots. I wish that the day would come where my fellow countrymen, regardless of whether they were in America or the Philippines or anywhere, would realize that they are indeed beautiful.
